[Desi Masala] Staff Xmas Party

*FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE:** 4th November
**
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

Pauline
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: **5th November
**
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: **6th November
**
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union
Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00
is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.
**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: **7th November
**
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a
little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to
sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.
And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available
for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest
those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be
fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: **8 November
**
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.
*
*You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know
tomatoes have feeling, too.
*
*They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**
FROM: John Bishop - Acting **Human Resources Director
**
DATE: **9th November
**
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
*

--
Always make your absence felt in such a way that somebody misses you, but
don't let your absence be so long that somebody starts learning to live
without you

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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