[Desi Masala] About Marriage
*Marriage*
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
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For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking
lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three
times."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he could remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
All the DNA is the same.
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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight
when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and
asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour
and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young
man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said "We may not have 45
minutes."
They were seated immediately.
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The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate
to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every
evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with
anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
exactly where is Larry's bar?"
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what
should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife.
I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison"
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