[Desi Masala] The English Language
You* **Think** **English** **is* *Easy?*
*Ready for a challenge? . . . **I know you are **up** to it! This gives us a
clue, to WHY the ENGLISH LANGUAGE is the most difficult! *
*Can you read these right the first** time?*
*1) The bandage was wound around the wound. *
*2) The farm was used to produce produce. *
*3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.** *
*4)We must polish the Polish furniture.** *
*5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. *
*6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. *
*7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to
present the present. *
*8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass** **drum.** *
*9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. *
*10) I did not object to the object. *
*11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. *
*12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row . *
*13) They were too close to the door to close it. *
*14) The buck does funny things when the does are present *
*15) A seamstress and a sewer** **fell down into a sewer line. *
*16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. *
*17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.** *
*18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear. *
*19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. *
*20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?** *
**
*Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England nor French fries in France .** *
*Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. *
*We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural
of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
indixes? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Doesn't it seem
crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of
odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have noses that run
and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be **the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill-in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going
on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?
**
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this .** **
**
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is **UP** . *
*It's easy to understand** UP **, **meaning toward the sky or toward the top
of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake **UP** ? At a
meeting, why does a topic come** UP** ? Why do we speak **UP** **and why are
the officers** UP** **for election and why is it** UP** **to the
secretary** **to write** UP** **a report** **?** *
*
We call** UP** **our friends. We use something to brighten** UP** **a room,
polish **UP** **the silver, warm** UP** the leftovers, and clean** UP** **the
kitchen. We lock** UP** **the house and some guys fix** UP** **the old car**.
**At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir** UP
**trouble, line** UP** **for tickets, work** UP** **an appetite, and think**
**UP** excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed **UP** is
special** . *
*
And this** UP **is confusing: A drain must be opened** UP** because it is
stopped **UP**. **We open** UP** a store in the morning but we close it** UP
** at night. **< br> **
We seem to be pretty mixed **UP** about** **UP** ! **To be knowledgeable
about the proper uses of** **UP**,** look the word **UP** **in the
dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes **UP** almost 1/4th of the
page and can add **UP** to about thirty definitions. If you are **UP** to
it, you might try building** **UP** a list of the many ways** **UP** is
used. It will take**! **UP** a lot of your time, but if you don't give **UP*
*, **you may wind** **UP** with a hundred or more. *
*When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding **UP**. When the sun comes
out we say it is clearing **UP**.** **
When it rains, it wets the earth and often **messes things **UP** .*
*When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry **UP** .
We could go on, but I'll wrap it **UP** , **for now my time is **UP** , so:
Time to shut** **UP** !*
*
Oh... one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the
last thing you do at night? **U**-P*
--
Wisdom is having a lot to say and not always saying it. Think before you
act; think twice before you speak.
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind
Winners make things happen, losers let things happen.
I am too blessed to be stressed and too annointed to be disappointed.
Knowledge is information. Wisdom is knowing what to do with the information
you have.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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