[Desi Masala] Microsoft Contraceptive 2008

*Microsoft Contraceptive 2008*

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect
of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2008, a suite of
applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a
pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these
technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation
enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus
protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of
life.

The Contraceptive2008 suite consists of three products: Condom2008, DeFetus
1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of
Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in
two expanded versions. Contraceptive2008 Professional is the Client / Server
edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.

Contraceptive2008 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed
at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive2008 does not address non-traditional copulatory
channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as
BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.

*Operation*

Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At
installation, the CondoMix2008 software checks for minimum hardware. If the
user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently
scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation
commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete
the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and
the user gets the message, "It is now safe to turn off your partner."

*Drawbacks*

Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during
beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error
encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been
eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

*Conclusion*

Contraceptive2008 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a
reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its
shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is)
will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible
Power Supply, and Onboard Camera (Peepy Cam). Micro & Soft CEO Bill Gates is
optimistic about Contraceptive2008's potential. He recently said, "Our
contraceptive products will help our customers do to each other what we've
been doing to them for years."

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